i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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