Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
