I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
