ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
