so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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