well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
