sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
