Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
