You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
