Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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