I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
