Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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