Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
