lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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