By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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