she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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