I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
