Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
