I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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