ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
