Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
