Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
