Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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