So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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