Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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