I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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