Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
