dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
