btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
