You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
