she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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