Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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