just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
