I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
