you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
