i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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