you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
