I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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