It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
