I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
