Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
