i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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