The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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