he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
