she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
