The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
