i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
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Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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