he wants to bone in the snuggie
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
