there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
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I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How does one acquire holy water?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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