i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
