This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
