Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
