I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
