areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
