What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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