PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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