i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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