Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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