This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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