I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
