literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
