stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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