The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Houston, we have a blender
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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