my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
