he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
