I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
