I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
