I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
