So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
