Too much gin, very little bucket
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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