yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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