im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
