does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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