how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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