Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
