my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
