What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
