Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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