Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
