Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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