Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize