Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
