Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
