Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
