So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
