I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
