You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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