I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
