and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
