I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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