I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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