the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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