he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
