why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
