He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm getting married
To pizza
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
