I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
