i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
